Flip The Script Friday: Breathe

What is Flip The Script Friday?

Flip The Script Friday is a weekly event where we invite organisations/adults onto our website/social media to answer the questions that young people have for them.

Why is it a thing?

This is an opportunity for young people’s voices to be heard and to have their questions answered. But equally, it’s a chance to destigmatise the discussion of mental health, highlight the great work that organisations are doing and to make reaching out for support from them less intimidating.

This week…

We collaborated with Tanya, a counscellor at Breathe in Roath in Cardiff. They, like us, are part of Platfform, a mental health charity in Wales. Breathe offer counselling to individuals, couples, families and young people. Tanya is here to answer all of your questions!

Who’s Tanya?

“Hi, I’m Tanya and I am a counsellor. I work in a person-centered way, which means that what we talk about is led by the client. I am very passionate about counselling, because I’ve seen the difference it can make to people’s lives. I strongly believe that asking for help shows great courage and strength and I feel privileged to hear my client’s stories and be part of their path to change.”

Q&A Time!

We had so many questions sent in by young people to our Instagram @platfform4yp and here are some of the highlights!

I think it’s a fantastic concept. I process stuff better when I have the chance to say it out loud and bounce ideas and feelings off someone else. To me, anything that makes us all talk to each other and learn from one another is surely helpful. I am excited to have this opportunity to learn more about your world.

When I was younger and found myself struggling, I was fortunate enough to have counselling. It really helped me, and as I love hearing people’s stories, I felt that I wanted to see if it was for me or not. I enrolled on a 10 week course called “An introduction to counselling” and I haven’t looked back since. I feel really fortunate to have found my dream profession.

At Breathe we have lots of different counsellors. Personally I offer humanistic-existential therapy. This means that you are in the driving seat. You choose what we talk about and the pace we go at. It also means that we explore your world as it is for you. We could look at such things as your relationships, your values and your beliefs as well as talking through specific events.

I feel that the fact that we are all individuals is often ignored by the mental health medical profession. Something I really like is the idea of “dropping the disorder”. I think that labelling people is rarely helpful. I also feel inspired the way young people are driving stigmas away by being brave and opening up about their struggles. The louder we are, the bigger the chances of being heard.

I think it’s probably the fact that I feel that I make a difference. Some clients have spent the week since their last session thinking and processing, and they need somewhere to share all the emotions that this has brought forth. Another thing that motivates me, is all that I learn from my clients. We all have stuff to offer each other, no matter where we are in our lives.

A friend of mine told me a few years ago: “stop saying sorry”. This was really good advice, as it made me reflect on my self-worth. I have since realised that so many of us are unhappy with ourselves. After a lot of journaling and exploration with my own counsellor, I started liking myself more and stopped saying sorry for who I am.

I am Danish, so English is not my first language. But it quickly became my favourite one. Before English lessons started in school when I was 10, my favourite subject was Danish. I have always loved reading and writing. But as I got older, English lessons took over. It’s such an expressive language with many different ways of saying the same thing.

There are so many! But one that springs to mind, and that I often see, is that counsellors can “fix” clients. That if you come to counselling and tell your story, you will automatically feel better. In reality, counselling is hard work. We are on the journey together, but ultimately, the client has to “do the work”. It takes courage and strength to look at ourselves truly and honestly.

There are quite a few things which I find helpful. I have a clinical supervisor who can give me advice and who I can speak to about anything which might be going on for me in sessions with clients. Also, when I have been to work, I have a cut off point on the drive home, (a roundabout halfway home) which is when I stop thinking about work and start thinking about home.

I make sure that I eat well, sleep enough and I love going to the beach. The water de-stresses me. I also find it really important to be present in what I am doing. Whether that is being with my family, walking the dogs or gardening.

Things change, we change. What feels really hard right now, will not always feel like that. You will find your people, your tribe. You are good enough!!!

Physically it is not hard, but it can be difficult mentally. Self care is really important. Counsellors who work a lot with clients who have experienced trauma are particularly at risk of burn out. I think that what is important is to check in with yourself on a regular basis. And practice what you preach. If you are struggling – reach out! Don’t suffer in silence.

My favourite colour is grey. I also really love dark blue and teal. I gravitate towards muted and calm colours. Maybe it is because I am Danish. :0)

This question made me think about Existential thinking. I believe that we all have the freedom of choice, or at least choices about how we deal with what happens to us throughout life. I believe that we all create our own destiny and responsibility of how we live our lives, lie with ourselves. So, no, I don’t believe that our fates are mapped out from the start.

I really want to say a brave lioness or a wise owl. But in reality I’m a monkey/ape of some sort. I’m loud, sociable, sometimes silly, but also capable of great love and empathy.

I would be a Nordic spruce. A hardy tree which is evergreen and loves Christmas.

Well done!!! You all do an amazing job. And when it gets hard, reach out. We are not super people, just people.

You guys are fantastic. You are so clued in, open, honest and ready to fight to right the wrongs of previous generations. You are the future, and I see so much potential in your generation. Not just people like Greta Thunberg speaking up for the climate and mental health- but all of you who dare to speak up and demand answers as to why the world is as it is.

It’s hard. When you’re young, feelings are so much bigger than when you get older. I get that you need to see your friends, and I feel for those of you who are school leavers, and who are missing out on proms and proper goodbyes. And make sure you stay in touch with your friends. As always, talking is key. Thank you for staying home. You are making a difference.

Yes, absolutely. Although this is a job, it’s also a way of life. I have strong boundaries, which help with a work/life balance. But each week I set time aside to think about my clients and to research and read anything which may be helpful to their particular issue.

I want to throw a huge party. I am l fortunate enough to have a paddock near my house, so I want to light up the BBQ and invite everyone I know with their husbands, wives and kids. And then dance and be merry until the sun comes up. One of my biggest lockdown hardships has been not being able to see friends and family.

Absolutely. The relationship between the counsellor and the client is one of the most important factors in counselling. Without mutual respect and trust, counselling is in best case worthless and in the worst case, harmful. Sitting in front of a person who you do not know and telling them your innermost feelings takes a lot of trust and is not easy. But we are on a journey together and I go where my client goes.

There are many different schools of counselling. One is Humanistic (also called person-centred). My qualification is as a Humanistic Existential Counsellor. In sessions this mean that I do not give advice, but instead we explore such things as your world, relationships and values. You decide what we talk about and we explore at your pace. I give you a safe space and support you whilst you come to your own conclusions.

I think it’s important to make it part of life for kids from very early on. To normalise LGBT+ Young children are not born prejudiced. Hate is taught. So let’s talk! The less mysterious something is, the less people fear it.

I feel very strongly that the more we embrace diversity, the happier we are. We can learn so much from each other. And the more different we are, the bigger is the chance for us all to grow. And we may learn, in the process, to love and respect each other. Which would make for an amazing world to live in.

It’s changed drastically. We have moved all counselling to telephone or video calls. Which means that we are dependent on internet and phone reception. But I’ve definitely found that it’s just as helpful to clients as counselling face to face.

I get that. Sitting with a stranger in a room telling them your innermost feelings, does not come natural to anyone. My advice would be to tell your counsellor that you feel nervous. Own it and together you can find a way forward. There is no right or wrong way to have counselling. You don’t have to do, it’s enough just to be. And don’t forget, counsellors are only people. No better or worse than you.

At Breathe we offer counselling to individuals, couples, families and young people. You can find out much more about us on our website: breathe-uk.com If you feel that counselling could be helpful for you, you can get in touch on email at: hello@breathe-uk.com, on the phone on 02920 440 191 or send us a text on 07788 314 975.

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